europelaughing

Better late than never...

1. Michael Jackson --- Thriller

2. Hocus Pocus Soundtrack --- I Put a Spell on You

3. Oingo Boingo --- It’s a Dead Man’s Party

4. Sam & The Pharoahs --- Little Red Riding Hood

5. The Munsters Theme

6. The Who --- Boris The Spider

7. The Boy Least Likely To --- Monsters

8. Panic! At The Disco --- It’s Almost Halloween

9. The Addams Family Theme

10. Rob Zombie --- Living Dead Girl

11. Stevie Wonder --- Superstition

12. Reverend Horton Heat --- The Halloween Dance

13. Panic! At The Disco --- This is Halloween

14. One Eyed One Horned Flying Purple People Eater

15. Alice Cooper --- Feed My Frankenstein

16. Aqua --- Halloween

17. Bobby Picket --- The Monster Mash

18. Charlie Daniels Band --- Devil Went Down To Georgia

19. Ghostbusters Theme

20. Warren Zevron --- Werewolves of London

21. The Zombie Stomp

22. Halloween Movie Soundtrack --- Main Theme

23. Emilie Autumn --- Dead Is The New Alive

24. Hocus Pocus Soundtrack --- Come Little Children

Bebe told me, in so many words, not to apply to the bioethics graduate program at the University of Louisville. Her horror and disdain at the fact that the program would only be 1 year old and not yet have any graduates when I would have been starting was more than obvious. She pushed me towards what she considered "more established programs with good reputations."

I consulted just about everyone else I knew at the time (they all referred me back to Bebe, saying she would be the best suited to advise me on the subject, though Dr. Smith did tell me a story about her time at Washington State that keeps me going at times, even to this day).

Ultimately, I applied where I wanted to apply - including well established programs, not so well established programs, and yes, UofL. I got into almost all of the programs I applied to. UofL was the only one to offer me full tuition remission AND a $15,000 a year fellowship which includes university health insurance. That's how I ended up here. It was an offer that was impossible to refuse. A full fellowship for a terminal master's program is almost unheard of. How unheard of was reestablished in Bebe's reaction when I went to ask her how I could tactfully back out of my commitment to attend the University of Pittsburgh (which probably has a better program had only offered me the perk of in-state tuition).

I haven't talked to Bebe since graduation...and now I'm seriously considering getting back in touch to ask her if she'll write me a letter of recommendation for my applications to PhD. programs.

Bebe is a horrible adviser (worse even than the one I had to see to get cleared for graduation...the same one that fucked up and kept Geoffrey from graduating with our class) and has given me both the best and the worst advice I've ever gotten. Usually on the same day, in direct contradiction to what she'd said 5 minutes before. At the end of the day, however, she's one hell of a professor/ethicist. She was my Dr. Hanson before I had Dr. Hanson. ...I'm looking into PhD. programs and she's almost as responsible for that fact as he is.

It kills me that people like this live in my country.

Oh, hai, Billionaires for Wealthcare. Thanks for making my day!

( And thank you for reminding me of this... )

Halfway through this interview, I found myself unspeakably angry with Dr. Rachel Maddow. So I had it out with her – in my head – over some of her commentary. In the end, she won. I have concluded from this that one of two possible situations is true.

1.) My debate skills are super awesome and not only am I able to acknowledge my own flawed ways of thinking, but I also play my opponent’s hand fairly when they choose to spend their Friday evening bartending at nerdprom2 instead of actively participating in an impromptu evaluation of the current administration with me.

2.) I am completely insane and should spend a lot less time on the internets.

I’m guessing reality is a combination of both – probably more of one part than the other…but I’ll leave that up to the observer to decide.

…but onto the real point of this post…

I am overly invested in Rachel Maddow. Generally, I figure the fact that I acknowledge this means that it hasn’t escalated to an unhealthy level. I tend to think that a person of my age trying to find their way in today’s society could do a hell of a lot worse when trying to find someone to look up to. That said, I also acknowledge that, on a personal level, what Rachel says is more important to me than what Keith or any of the other pundit kids have to say. This is especially true when it’s something I can relate to on a personal level. – point in fact, I was extremely struck by my out of the blue emotional reaction to the end of this interview.

Charlie asked Rachel about her sexuality. *Everyone* asks Rachel about her sexuality – it’s cliché at this point. As any good fan would be, I’m very aware of the fact that Rachel doesn’t want to be seen as “the gay one” and one can clearly see that as a reasonable position. Nonetheless, her visibility as a successful openly gay woman is ridiculously important to me. So, I admit, I don’t cringe as much as I probably should when this topic comes up for the billionth time. Maybe it was just my mood at the time – or the fact that it was after 3am when I started watching this video and I’d been watching MSNBC since 8pm – whatever it was, something in Rachel’s words this time around really made me reflect on my own experience.

Rachel said she didn’t realize she was gay until she 17, but wished it had happened sooner. I didn’t realize I was gay until I was 20 – or I didn’t admit it to myself, anyway. In a way I’m almost glad it didn’t happen sooner, in others I wish it had never happened at all. I’m much more uncomfortable with my own sexuality than I’m generally willing to admit. It makes me feel like I’m a failure to the community. If I wanted to be a gay bashing gay person, I should just up and join the GOP/Love Wins Out/Hypocrites International, yes? Something else that I generally won’t admit is the fact that I hate the feeling that I have a community to be loyal to and if I don’t do it right, I’ll be termed a “bad gay.” This could be all in my head, of course, but the feeling is very real. That feeling, amongst other things, has led to a lot of seclusion. I don’t know anyone IRL that is gay/bi that I can talk to about these things. I’m ridiculously anxious in social situations anyway, but when I’m honest with myself I’m almost unbearably lonely these days…and too damn scared to do anything about it. It sucks.

Rachel also acknowledged that coming out – to oneself and others – is different levels of difficult, but not easy for anyone. There was something very validating about hearing Rachel mention, even just in passing, that many people have to go through a process of coming out to themselves. I feel like that is so often overlooked. For me, coming out to and attempting to accept myself and my feelings as legitimate is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done…and there are still times when I catch myself in thought processes that I would chastise anyone else for having. I don’t know why I have such a hard time accepting myself when I don’t seem to have a problem with anyone else.

Rachel advising people to come out was nothing new, really. You hear that kind of thing all the time – “Closets are for clothes. Really fabulous clothes.” and the like. But that’s all SO much easier said than done. Rachel mentioned being glad that being closeted was a very short time in her life – and that, that hit me so much harder than I’d been expecting. I’ve been partly out but mostly in for YEARS…and it’s awful. That’s the only way to describe it. It sucks a lot. I could end the torture, of course. It is, feasibly, within my power to just come out to everyone…and yet. I don’t know what I’m so afraid of. My parents, as much as I love them, have done, I truly believe, the best that they can, even though I want to tear their hair out at times. So often they just don’t get it. They say the don’t care who I’m attracted to – that they love me unconditionally no matter what…and for that I realize that I’m luckier than many people…but that’s just not enough sometimes. They don’t want me to come out to anyone else. They pitched a fit when they found out that a friend of mine told a friend of his that I’m gay and said friend happened to be the daughter of some friends of theirs – if that makes no sense at all, basically, they’re embarrassed by their gay daughter. What they SAY is that it doesn’t matter and therefore there’s no reason for me to come out because it would just cause a lot of drama.. What they MEAN is that they don’t see it as something worth dealing with. I tell myself that they don’t know how important it is to me or they wouldn’t act the way they do. I have to tell myself that, I have to believe it or there would be a serious breakdown in our relationship. Every time Grandma asks me if I have a boyfriend I die a little inside. It shouldn’t be that way. I’m so paranoid about the whole thing that I struggle – seriously struggle to find the words to bring up a girl I like in conversation with my closest friends. These are the kids that knew I was gay before I did. I hear every achingly descriptive detail of their relationships…but I can’t talk to them. I’ve effectively shut down that part of my life…and it hurts. It hurts more and more everyday.

I don’t know what I’m going to do about this…and I don’t know when I’m going to do whatever it is…but something must be done. Something has to change. I just hope it’s worth it in the end.

…and speaking of the end…I’ve said just about all I can about this subject at this point. …except that I probably wouldn’t have the courage to even think about let alone make a blog post (and leave it public?!) about these things if it wasn’t for the inspiration that I draw from Rachel Maddow. She gives me hope and it has been well established that hope is a very powerful thing. If I ever got the opportunity to meet her I’d like to shake her hand and tell her how much she has meant to me (as opposed to squeeing like a fangirl and passing out, of course). Perhaps what I’ve gained from watching Rachel at times isn’t quite what she set out to get across, but it has been important to me in a way that I have a lot of difficulty putting into words. Rachel certainly isn’t a martyr and has made it apparent that she no longer (at least currently) considers herself an activist. That doesn’t mean she’s not making a difference – sometimes a huge difference – in people’s lives.

Prologue to a rant: My hormones seem to be in a reverse flux at the moment from the worst PMS I’ve ever had. (During which I happened to stumble upon THIS (even BEFORE babygirl tweeted it) and spent the rest of the day literally telling people that I wanted to rip their faces off and then set them on fire.) I’ve spent the last day and ½ totally depressed, missing HER (for all the good THAT does) and contemplating how fleeting life is - seriously. I couldn't even stand myself for awhile. It may be that I’m not in the best mind set to do this right now… Nonetheless…

1. Obama on gay rights literally makes me sick. The whole “it’s his Administration, it’s not him, he might not even know about it” spiel is complete and utter bullshit. So, either he sucks as President because he’s a homophobe, he sucks as President because he’s spineless, or he sucks as President because he doesn’t know what the fuck his Administration is doing. Whatever helps you sleep at night.

2. Rachel, babygirl, your mockery as a form of outrage does so much for the violent thoughts in my pacifist body…you have no idea. Never, ever change.

3. Dean, you just won’t let me like you, will you? I never have, though I’ve come close several times – but then you always fuck it up. Here, for instance, I was totally on your side until you decided to defend the Obama Administration by bringing up the healthcare crisis and the failing economy…then I wanted to tear your fucking face off. Learn to goddamn multi-task or get the fuck out of my country’s top office. I’m not even close to kidding.


Finally, a quick note.


Dear President Obama,

Fixing the Healthcare system.
YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.

Keeping your campaign promises to the LGBT community.
YOU'RE NOT DOING IT AT ALL.

I swear to God, I'm already looking for someone else to vote for in 2012.

I'm too damn young to be this fucking jaded.

Absolutely no love,
Me

THIS is why I get so endlessly frustrated when people claim that Obama hasn't been in office long and that he's had "more important" things to deal with as a means to excuse his complete lack of progress on LGBT issues.

I shouldn't be surprised, I really shouldn't. Politicians almost never live up to their campaign promises...but he's not even attempting to make it look like he's going to at this point. It's way too early in this administration for him to be completely shafting a major part of the voting block that gave him that office.

I know politics, and, like I said, I know I shouldn't be surprised by any of this. I highly doubt we'll see a LGBT President in my lifetime, and, while I'm hopeful because it seems that the country as a whole is becoming more accepting, I also understand why a person that has to be elected would tread carefully around these issues. A politician can't do anything if they can't get elected. I get that. I don't want Obama to fly a rainbow flag over the Whitehouse {I wouldn't mind, but I understand why it will never, ever happen}. I just wish he would have been more moderate in his campaigning if he knew {and of course he knew!} that if he got elected he wasn't going to push for change on these issues. I know he's a politician, but making promises you have no intention of ever even pretending to keep is totally not classy.

Most of my anger stems from the fact that I never was all that excited about Obama for President. I was and always will be a Hillary girl {not that I don't think she would have many of the same problems...but we'll never know, will we?}. I got sucked in right towards the very end of the election. There was so much hope mongering...and I wanted to be a part of it. After 8 years of Bush, who didn't? It was infectious - like a disease. I fought it and I still got sucked in. I believed things were really going to change. Not only the LGBT issues, but other things as well. And so far? I'm really, really unimpressed. My anger is mostly at myself for getting sucked in to a campaign slogan. Not that it would have mattered in the long run, but if I would have actually voted my interests, I would have voted for the Green Party candidate, Cynthia McKinney. People not understanding/acting on their actual voting interests is one of my biggest pet peeves. To the extent that when I see things like the above video and am reminded that I voted for this man, I start to get a headache.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not completely hating on Obama. He's done some good things and I expect more from him in the future - but I don't expect a lot...and I'm not holding my breath. I'm done with that now. I'm just very 'UGH' about the whole thing right now.

And, to clarify, as I often have to do...I don't and never did expect major legislation such as DADT or DOMA to be overturned over night. I understand that we're at war, the economy sucks, just about everyone is out of a job and 47 million people don't have health insurance. I'm not an idiot. But if Obama had time for a date night in New York {and I'm *not* saying he didn't deserve it} then he had time to make a statement of intent regarding his actions towards the progression of a more LGBT accepting American government. That's all I'm asking for at this point, and I really, really don't think it's too much. Instead his administration has spent its time asking the Supreme Court to uphold Bush era DOMA policies. Fuck that. I'm over this Presidency.

Calling to make reservations tomorrow - finally!

Questions to ask:

How far are you from Grant Park? {I plugged in the address and got two balloons for one address. I fail at Google Maps. But I have fallen in love with this hotel. For THIS among other reasons… I *did* find it on GrantParkHotels after all, but keep finding conflicting information about the distance.}

Is your pool currently up and running? {Last June, the Palmer House Hilton was made of fail by renovating their pool. In the middle of the summer. Who does that? …I’m SO over Hilton hotels…}

Do you fuckers get MSNBC? {This will determine whether or not I have to drag my only functioning when it wants to laptop across 3 states. The last time I stayed in a hotel I had to listen to some unbearable, holier than thou, neoconservative bitch whose name I can't remember but face I will NEVER forget to get my news. That won't happen again.}

We can leave our luggage with you when our train gets in around 9am even though we can’t check in until 3pm…right? {Mom will give me endless hell if they DON’T do this “The Palmer House does that!” Fuck the Palmer House…}



...and finally, just a little aside. I have loved Chicago for as long as I can remember. It's my favorite place to go. Ever. All of the visit Chicago websites that are suddenly completely defining themselves through statements such as "Obama's backyard!" are pissing me off. I get it, but you're more than that. Don't sell yourselves short, kids.

While watching a recent clip of Ana Marie Cox on The Rachel Maddow Show, it occurred to me that girlie is gorgeous and that SOMEONE should make some icons of her. I gave it a try myself. As usual, they're nothing special, but are available for sharing! :o)

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Dear Meggion,

Your video, {Rachel Maddow} "Prolonged Detention" - Part I, may have content that is owned or licensed by FOX News Network.

No action is required on your part; however, if you are interested in learning how this affects your video, please visit the Content ID Matches section of your account for more information.

Sincerely,

- The YouTube Team 


________________________

Seriously, kids? Come on, if you're gonna try to get me on copyright infringement, at least make it seem like it MIGHT be feasible. 

THERE IS SOMETHING VERY WRONG WITH THESE THINGS , INDIVIDUALLY.

WHEN THEY TAKE PLACE SIMULTANEOUSLY; I RESORT TO CAPSLOCK OF FRUSTRATION.

EXHIBIT A:

Rachel Maddow interviewing yet another high achieving, active duty individual that has been handed his walking papers by the U.S. military because the genitalia of the person(s) he is attracted to is too much like his own.



EXHIBIT B: 

The U.S. Army is being criticized for not punishing soldiers that have failed drug tests, repeatedly, in order to keep their numbers up.

"Army commanders are failing to punish or seek treatment for a growing number of soldiers who test positive for substance abuse, possibly because they don't want to lose any more combat troops, the Army's vice chief of staff has warned."

Read the whole story HERE.

___________________________________

Someone please assure me that the people protecting our nation are smarter than this. PLEASE.


Also...

"I did have hope that President Obama would follow through on his commitment to change the policy and initiate a policy of nondiscrimination." - Lt. Col. Victor Fehrenbach

...you are not alone in that, my good man.

I have been reading ontd_political  ALL day. I don't know why. It's been a strange day.


The longest article in the world on why Socialism isn't evil by design, why a 'Welfare State' isn't something that must be avoided at all costs and why the Dutch are completely and inherently made of win can be found HERE.

I posted this article on Facebook, asking if anyone knew if they made software for learning Dutch. YAY.

I'm moving to The Netherlands, kids. Mark my words. I may not stay forever, and I might end up there subsequent to a period of time spent in England working for the NHS, but this is an experience that I need to have. I've always felt like I should have been a European. Baby steps, though. Depending on how my post { first } Master's Degree work/school situation works out, I may take out a loan to fund a European vacation next summer. That would qualify as educational use of money, right? Sure it would! ...I also may look back on this on a not-so-strange day and realize how insane it sounds...but the chances of this are slim. I'm pretty much always insane.

---

I haven't actually been in contact with her in over a year, but I KNOW Dr. Mazzei went on the warpath over THIS.

Myanmar's junta is at it again - attempting to extend Aung San Suu Kyi's house arrest. I don't know what part of they will keep her locked up forever unless someone steps in that the rest of the world doesn't understand.

I love Myanmar so much that it has its own tag in my journal. It upsets me greatly when I see that this massive fuckery is going on with no signs of stopping anytime soon. The junta is an not an elected government. If Myanmar had something we wanted...like oil or cheap labor, we'd totally have overthrown it by now. GAH.


...I'm in full out nerd mode. Considering adding Myanmar/Burma and Belarus to my Google Alerts.

Also, I'm exhausted and have eye-strain. I think I've had enough for today.

OH MY GOD. I've spent hours today reading ontd_political. It has DONE THINGS to my mind.



"So it was okay to waterboard a guy over 80 times, but God forbid the guy who could understand what that prick was saying....has a boyfriend."


Mr. Stewart, sir. I love you SO FUCKING MUCH.

Words have meanings. When you use different words than what you intended, regardless of the original intent, the meaning changes.

From THIS entry on May 12th: 

"In 1999, Furrow brought at least seven guns into a Jewish center in Granada Hills and wounded three children, a teenager, and an adult. He later shot and filled Joseph Ileto, 39."


Shot and filled. And then he mounted him on the wall? Somehow I don't think that's what actually happened. Sort of changes the case, don't ya think? I 'd laugh it off if it didn't happen all the time. His blog has won awards...I'm honestly very surprised that someone else hasn't called him out on it. 


On the brighter side, my GoogleReader is down to 170 backlogged entries from Turley's blog.

Jonathan Turley use to be one of my favorite guest commentators on MSNBC. This, unfortunately, was short lived. I do still enjoy his blog { save for the typos that I maintain are inexcusably prevalent for someone writing publically at his level } for its interesting content, but I haven’t been keeping up with it lately – there’s 195 backlogged entries on my GoogleReader. I think my breakdown in appreciation of Turley’s perspective came with discovering that he is very much a constitutional literalist, which, in my opinion leads to an inescapable break with reality, especially in regard to a progressive perspective on politics.

Also, Turley is a Libertarian – or, at the very least, that’s the perspective he brings to the table the most often. Libertarianism makes me want to scream and tear all my hair out. My very best friend is a Republican. I don’t think I could be friends with a Libertarian. It’s not that I wouldn’t try – hell, I’ll try anything once…well, almost anything; I just don’t think it would work out. From my admittedly very biased point of view, Democrats have always been the people that care about their neighbors, the working class, the ‘we’re all in this together’ kids. Republicans are the evil super rich that care only about themselves and their stock margins, as well as the religious and/or brainwashed { make of that what you will } offspring of previous Republican generations { like my BFF } that just wouldn’t know their actual voting interests if they were bit in the ass by them { See: What's The Matter With Kansas? }. I sort of have to hand it to Republicans, though. In general, the overall selfishness, greed and stupidity of the party is right there in your face. Sarah Palin. Spending freeze to stimulate the economy. Tea Bagging. Etc. It’s right there for the whole world to see. At least in my experience, Libertarians are more covert. They don’t feel any more obligated to help a neighbor out than the average Republican does, but they attempt to justify their selfishness and whatever else you want to call it by attempting to burry it in rights language. I don’t buy it…and honestly it pisses me off. I think Dr. Hanson described the Libertarian perspective better than anyone else ever could at the beginning of the Spring ’09 semester: “The problem with the Libertarian perspective is figuring out how anyone but a complete jerk could hold it.” Have I mentioned lately that I just adore Dr. Hanson? :o)

However, despite the loss of love between myself and Mr. Turley of late, I think he’s right on the money here:
 

Dear President Obama, THIS IS IDIOTIC. Admittedly, I haven’t been as on top of the whole political scene lately as I like to be. First, school got out of hand…as it tends to do towards the end of the semester…and Spring semester is *always* hell for me. …and then I had a sort of personal snafu to deal with – which anyone on my friends list had the unfortunate luxury of watching me work through { Sorry, kids! }, but I’m doing my best to catch up at this point. I first heard about the change in plans regarding releasing these pictures in a one-sentence news brief from CNN.com – just FYI, getting breaking news sent to your primary e-mail’s inbox is a good way to make yourself keep up with the big events even when life gets crazy. My reaction was pretty much “More torture pictures? Ugh. Moving on…” Leave it to Rachel Maddow { and guest } to actually make me stop and think about the implications.

I’ll be honest. I’m sort of tired of hearing about the torture stuff now…but I’m smart enough to know that that’s what the assholes that committed the torture are hoping for, so I’m not complaining about the reporting, not in the least. I don’t actually expect anything to be done about what’s happened…and honestly, it doesn’t look like a whole lot is going to change anytime soon, but I’m all for babygirl and people like her continuing to hold these idiots accountable. Someone needs to. Nonetheless, I wasn’t all that interested, at all, in seeing new pictures of torture. We all know there was torture. I, for one, have seen enough naked human pyramids and the like. That was, of course, until you told me that I couldn’t see them. Now I *REALLY* want to see them. What the hell did you expect, honestly? You really shot yourself in the foot here.

I’m losing faith, Obama. Don’t do this. This isn’t the only issue I’m “WTF-ing” at your administration over at the moment. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again { in a completely different context as it were } : Hope is a terrible thing to lose.  

 

 

 

And Then There Was This:

Dear Meggion,

Your video, {Rachel Maddow} Keeping Bush's Secrets w/ Jonathan Turley, may have content that is owned or licensed by FOX News Network.

No action is required on your part; however, if you are interested in learning how this affects your video, please visit the Content ID Matches section of your account for more information.

Sincerely,
- The YouTube Team

 

NO. JUST NO. The Fox News Network does not and never will own or license Rachel Maddow. Step away, now.

Anyone else think this was triggered by the title “Keeping Bush’s Secrets” – one could see Faux News being interested in that I suppose.

If my local news was ever this entertaining, I'd probably watch it a lot more often.

I'm sort of in love with Lt. Dan Choi. { It's alright, I'm aware that I'm not his type...he's not mine, either. } I love him nonetheless. I can't even find the words to express how disappointed I am that the U.S. military, in this day and age, would dismiss a soldier as skilled and willing to serve as he is for no other reason than a refusal to lie about his sexual orientation. This happens all the time. Intellectually, I'm aware of that fact, but seeing it like this - seeing his first interview with Rachel, and then this latest one, makes it much more real. Lt. Choi, other members of Knights Out, as well as other military personel that are speaking out and risking their careers to fight for equality deserve to be comended in the highest manner. Rachel, also, deserves much praise for using her show to bring attention to this issue.



In other news, I am re-discovering my Maddow love. My inner fangirl. She is jumping for joy! 

Monday –

 

- Survive Potter’s Class

- Work on Barbee’s Power Point

- Work on Hanson’s Outline

 

 

Tuesday –

 

- Finish Barbee’s Power Point

- Finish Hanson’s Outline

- Finish Barbee’s Book Review

- Read for Hanson’s Class

 

 

Wednesday –

 

- Survive Hanson’s Class {Hopefully unscathed…one never knows these days}

- Finish Barbee’s Outline

- Work on Barbee’s Final Paper

 

 

Thursday –

 

- Work on Barbee’s Final Paper

- Work on Hanson’s Final Paper

- Work on Potter’s Final Paper

 

 

Friday –

 

- Survive Presenting in Barbee’s Class

- Finish Barbee’s Final Paper

 

 

Saturday & Sunday –

 

- Work on Hanson’s Final Paper

- Work on Potter’s Final Paper

- Work on Response Paper #3

- Grocery Shopping

- PREPARE FOR NEXT WEDNESDAY

Spring break has come and gone. I'm back in Kentucky - the extent of my Ohio adventures included visiting my dentist {I adore Dr. Cain!}, fighting with Amazon over the delivery of my book for my Human Sexuality class {When the due date is March 27th, an estimated shipping date of March 30th is just NOT acceptable} and attending Stars On Ice. Pictures from the latter can be found under the cut.

( Stars On Ice - Cleveland 3/20/2009 )